The story that inspired us to create "Daughters of Khadijah", by organicmuslimah [a work of fiction that opened a well of horror, that poured forth in turn to people willing to aid in the healing]:
When the hair of his nostrils stand, I know it's coming. It's always worse when he signals to the bedroom. He fears the neighbors would hear me scream, in there he can take full action. I don't even remember what it started over, but the ceremony always ends with it being my fault. "You are stupid" he spits when he is done beating the shit out of me.
Oh ya, hello, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Horya and my husband abuses me--and I allow it. *fake grin*
I don't know why I married him. Maybe it was love or plain stupid, who knows? I don't always have the pleasure to predict when he will decide to punish me.
Once when I was washing the dishes, he kicked me so hard, in the back, for no reason other than he just can. Those types of blows are the worst, you don't see them coming.
He isn't always angry like that, as a matter of fact, he could be very romantic at times. Once during my pregnancy, he made a midnight trip to the store to buy me some milk. He felt how much I was suffering all night with heartburn. That is what I think of when he uses his belt on me. I think of all the good times we've had as a family. I am in it for the good and the bad.
Don't be fooled by what I say here. I am not a weak woman. I've threatened to leave him on an occasion or two. Of course he knows I would never dare take the kids and go. What would people think of me?
And surely no one would want to marry a divorced woman with two growing sons. I don't want to be lonely, would you?
Sometimes I wish I would die. I am hoping he will change someday. Maybe he will stop and we will be a happy family again. My sons are growing. It's getting harder to explain why mommy cries all the time. Maybe if I had an education and supporting parents I would have left him. For now, my only way out is for him to die.
It IS a work of fiction: should of seen me when I first read it---I cried and went to the brothers I knew and asked them if they would marry such a woman and take on the care of her kids. What broke my heart more though was that another poster had written: "I personally know a woman who's exactly living this way"
That should not be! Where is that man to protect her if her husband won't?
I run a fashion blog, and women consequently write me from that to tell me their stories, and it became to much for me when a woman told me a true story. Subhanallah, she's free and her children are well, but that was too much really. We have to change this. No woman must be afraid of being alone and think that is worse than living in an earthen hell.