Thursday, February 7, 2008

Meet Horya: If she leaves him this could be her fate

The story that inspired us to create "Daughters of Khadijah", by organicmuslimah [a work of fiction that opened a well of horror, that poured forth in turn to people willing to aid in the healing]:

When the hair of his nostrils stand, I know it's coming. It's always worse when he signals to the bedroom. He fears the neighbors would hear me scream, in there he can take full action. I don't even remember what it started over, but the ceremony always ends with it being my fault. "You are stupid" he spits when he is done beating the shit out of me.

Oh ya, hello, where are my manners? I forgot to introduce myself. My name is Horya and my husband abuses me--and I allow it. *fake grin*
I don't know why I married him. Maybe it was love or plain stupid, who knows? I don't always have the pleasure to predict when he will decide to punish me.
Once when I was washing the dishes, he kicked me so hard, in the back, for no reason other than he just can. Those types of blows are the worst, you don't see them coming.
He isn't always angry like that, as a matter of fact, he could be very romantic at times. Once during my pregnancy, he made a midnight trip to the store to buy me some milk. He felt how much I was suffering all night with heartburn. That is what I think of when he uses his belt on me. I think of all the good times we've had as a family. I am in it for the good and the bad.
Don't be fooled by what I say here. I am not a weak woman. I've threatened to leave him on an occasion or two. Of course he knows I would never dare take the kids and go. What would people think of me?
And surely no one would want to marry a divorced woman with two growing sons. I don't want to be lonely, would you?
Sometimes I wish I would die. I am hoping he will change someday. Maybe he will stop and we will be a happy family again. My sons are growing. It's getting harder to explain why mommy cries all the time. Maybe if I had an education and supporting parents I would have left him. For now, my only way out is for him to die.
It IS a work of fiction: should of seen me when I first read it---I cried and went to the brothers I knew and asked them if they would marry such a woman and take on the care of her kids. What broke my heart more though was that another poster had written: "I personally know a woman who's exactly living this way"
That should not be! Where is that man to protect her if her husband won't?
I run a fashion blog, and women consequently write me from that to tell me their stories, and it became to much for me when a woman told me a true story. Subhanallah, she's free and her children are well, but that was too much really. We have to change this. No woman must be afraid of being alone and think that is worse than living in an earthen hell.


umzacharia said...

subhanallah alix

this has really hit home. Allahil teech il 3afia. Insha Allah, i have the opportunity to talk to you more


Anonymous said...

Anytime. Anything, insha'Allah.


Anonymous said...

Salam alaikum I cried too just now, it's hard when all you have is him

Chica said...

Assalama alaikum

I just wantt o say that to all the sisters out there who are in this situation - do not be afrad to make those first steps and go.

Right now, it seems like such a big scary step but Inshallah Allah will amke it easy for you.

I know someone who has three growing children and is now divorced. I went to her county recently and we stayed up all night taking. I asked her ' do you get lonely?' she replied she does sometimes, but of the 10 years she remained married to the man, she did not spend one day in peace. She does not regret leaving as every day is now spend in tranquility and she can get on with raising her beautifu kids (and damn theyre beautiful) and she is at total peace now. And then she went on to tell me how she has been introduced to an amazing brother recently who knows her situation and has met her kids and inshallah it looks like they will get married. He is not divorced - just a decent brother who is not afraid to folow his heart and for the sake of allah swt.

ladies, you are not alone... i pray for all my sisters who are suffering in my duas everyday.